New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
