His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry about my life...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
