why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
