i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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