if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
