he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
