First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
