Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
