she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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