You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
