my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
