I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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