dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
