Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
