you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
