she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
