Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
