your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
