And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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