and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
