so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
