walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
