There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
