Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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