Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
