i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We're not piercing ourselves today.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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