Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
BRING THE BAGELS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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