The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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