I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
smell my finger.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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