Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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