so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
