i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
