She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
