he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
