I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
