your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
