I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
