Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
