I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
