I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
