i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
