The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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