so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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