hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
