Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
