I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
