That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
we should paint friendship bongs
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