I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
