WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Terrible idea I love it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
