oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
