I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
