This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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