Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
