it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
