Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this will be a night to untag.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
