i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
