is your mom at the bar?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
