Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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