I just cut my nipple shaving
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
