This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
