Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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